The Danish Way of Parenting

When international happiness reports are released, Denmark usually ranks among the top countries. That sparked the authors' curiosity: what do Danes do at home and at school that helps raise adults who are satisfied, confident, and able to handle frustration? That question hits home when readers think about their own struggles, like a full-blown tantrum in the middle of a store or the daily battle to pull a child away from the television.

The answer they propose is neither magic nor a secret. It is a set of cultural habits passed down through generations, which they sum up in the English acronym PARENT. Each letter stands for a core principle.

Iben Sandahl, who is Danish, is a family therapist. Jessica Alexander, who is American, moved to Denmark and came to both marvel at and admire the local way of raising children. The book blends an insider's and an outsider's view, which makes the comparisons all the more interesting.

It is important to know right away that this is a parenting guide written on the basis of observation, interviews, and reading, rather than a scientific treatise. It works as inspiration, not as a strict rulebook.

The six letters form an easy-to-remember map. P is for play, A for authenticity, R for reframing, E for empathy, N for no ultimatums, and T for togetherness, the word that carries the Danish concept of hygge. Each principle gets its own chapter, complete with stories and practical examples. Each letter works as a quick reminder you can repeat mentally in tense moments before reacting.

The goal is not to copy Denmark, but to understand the values behind the habits. The authors suggest that readers pick one or two principles to start with, instead of trying to change the whole household all at once.

This respects the fact that every family has its own routine, budget, and challenges. Rather than following a rigid script, the idea is to adjust the rudder little by little.

And the most important starting point comes before the kids: the way adults handle their own feelings and conflicts.

In Denmark, play is taken seriously. Young children spend a lot of time in free play, including outdoors, even in cold weather. More formal schooling, with an emphasis on reading and writing, starts later than in many other countries.

The authors argue that free play teaches what no class can cover: negotiating rules, dealing with losses, inventing solutions, and bouncing back from frustration. It is through play that children practice getting along with others and using their creativity. When everything is organized by adults, with one structured activity after another, there is little room left for children to discover what they actually enjoy.

Think of kids kicking a ball around on the street or playing house in the backyard, making up the rules and arguing over who gets to be goalie. Adults do not need to organize everything; they just need to ensure safety and free time.

In big cities, where the street is not always safe, the challenge is finding space and time. A park, a courtyard, or a screen-free afternoon is already a great place to start.